Friday, November 26, 2010

A time to pause..

I think the things I own and love
Acquire a sense of me,
That gives them value far above
The worth that others see.
My chattels are of me a part:
This chair on which I sit
Would break its overstuffed old heart
If I made junk of it.

To humble needs with which I live,
My books, my desk, my bed,
A personality I give
They'll lose when I am dead.
Sometimes on entering my room
They look at me with fear,
As if they had a sense of doom
Inevitably near.

Yet haply, since they do not die,
In them will linger on
Some of the spirit that was I,
When I am gone.
And maybe some sweet soul will sigh,
And stroke with tender touch
The things I loved, and even cry
A little,--not too much.

Robert Service

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Science is the answer for all problems .... True or False ???

This post takes off from a question and an ensuing argument that I had with a friend almost a year back. Posed with a question of what is science and whether science can explain everything, i ended up starting a trail of thought that i have nurtured for a year now...

Posed with the question of "What is science ?" over a simple lunch , I answered, science is a method of inquiry. From then on, I have wondered ever so often, if this is the right definition and every time i have concluded that this is the best i can come up with for now... Science is after all a method of inquiry where observation and hypotheses are used to arrive at a testable theory.

The next question is more tricky.

As a scientist my impulse "should have been" to say that science is indeed the answer to all our questions but then here i hesitated. This of course resulted in a tiff of sorts (because the poser of the question who was a true blue scientist and was certain that science is the answer to all questions)...

In the months that followed, I have tried to formulate my opinion and find my ground.

From my perspective, I see two schools of thought in addressing this question.

The first is of course is the line of thought that science is the answer to all our questions and that we must make it a way of life. This group is an unrelenting champion of the power of science and rationality. They want to rest their statements on objective facts, statistics and numbers and not on subjective observations and interpretations. Here the attempt is to explain every behavior, every like or dislike, every structure with a 'seemingly' rational thought. There is no place for feelings, instincts, biases etc etc.

The second school of thought is a rather convenient one... because, all it says is that science cannot possibly answer all questions. Questions pertaining to religion, morality, conscience and consciousness are beyond the purview of science and perhaps should be such. Science in this case becomes a mere tool to gain technology - a means of simplifying life. Science is not a way of life here and people are happy with terms like belief, faith, morals, unknown, too complex to understand, culture etc etc. This school of thought, implicitly supports a reliance on metaphysics and supernatural to "explain" everyday phenomena or call them as too complex to understand.

Now, where do I stand on these conflicting opinions and schools of thought ?
I think I have found a middle ground which in this case is a very thin line separating the two sides and a slight trip or slip on my part could very well push me to one extreme or the other. I however will attempt to present my case here.

Science is a method of inquiry - the best we have come up with so far!
It helps us develop a framework to arrive at universal facts and truths. It aims to remove subjectivity, and the bias that arises due to interpersonal variation, observation and interpretation. It tries to replace subjectivity with objectivity. But while the aim of scientific investigation is laudable, its means are flawed. They are flawed by their nature and this became clear to me when i read about the black swan paradox and Karl Popper's views of the fallibility of science.

What is the black swan paradox ?

"It is a demonstration of the fallibility of the empirical methods of scientific observation. Europeans for thousands of years had observed millions of white swans. Using inductive evidence, we could come up with the theory that all swans are white. However exploration of Australasia introduced Europeans to black swans. Poppers' point is this: no matter how many observations are made which confirm a theory there is always the possibility that a future observation could refute it. Induction cannot yield certainty."

The problem with science is that it is based on such empirical observations and these can never be absolutely certain. They can only increase the probability of you being right progressively. The method of science is what is flawed. I agree with Popper, when he was critical of the naive empiricist view that we objectively observe the world. Popper argued (and I agree) that all observation is from a point of view, and indeed that all observation is coloured by our understanding. The world appears to us in the context of theories we already hold: it is 'theory laden'. All our theories today are based on older theories. We are all standing on the shoulder of giants, as is often very rightly acknowledged. But this also means that using the wrong theory as the basis only weakens the whole infrastructure of science - it becomes akin to a house of cards.

The other problem one often sees especially in biological sciences is the problem of causation. It is difficult to say what is the cause and what is the effect with great certainty ? For example, does cancer lead to high levels of protein A or does high level of protein A lead to cancer ? This problem becomes more acute when one tries to decipher the past from traces buried in the dust of time as happens in the fields of evolutionary biology. In human evolution, did an increase in brain size result in an erect posture or did an erect posture, give the hands more to do and thereby result in an increase in brain size... ? Questions such as this and many more in evolutionary biology, sociobiology, evolutionary psychology etc border on pure speculation simply because evidence is scanty and incomplete.

Another limitation of science is technology. Science is heavily reliant on the available technology. Our investigations in science are limited by the available technology. In the last century, electrons, protons and neutrons seemed to be the indivisible components of all matter. But with the development of synchrotron and particle accelerators, we now have an ever growing list of sub-atomic particles. Technology has influenced what we know anD perhaps what we can know as well. This is also true in biology. In our attempt to understand a system, we tinker with the system, say for example, to understand the role of a protein, we over express or knock-it down in the cells and see how the system is altered. This approach again has inherent flaws. Removing a particular protein may not give an observable phenotype for many reasons :

- the protein can work even in very trace amounts
- there are other proteins (homologs) which could compensate
- the protein is essential only under particular conditions. And there can be many conditions here - embryonic state, high slat, low, salt, aging, high temperature, low temperature, dehydration, low nutrition, etc etc)... so, as can be seen, we can never be absolutely certain of all the functions of a protein through such approaches.
- proteins may have different functions under different conditions and in different organisms.
- a protein may behave very differently in an animals (in vivo as biologists like to call) than in the tissues and cells that are used as models in vitro

These simple examples, I hope do enough to elucidate the point that there are inherent caveats in the method of inquiry adopted by science.

Questions of the mind, such as consciousness, conscience, language, behaviour, binding, spatio-temporal integration, creativity, etc etc are all complex, open questions to which we dont have the answers still. In fact, there are also schools of scientists who that say that we cannot have answers to some of these questions.

But here I need to draw a line and state that this does not mean my implicit support to the second school of thought that holds science as only a source of technology. The inherent flaws in our method of scientific inquiry does not mean that "no inquiry" is better.

It does not mean that irrationality, superstition, dogma, speculation and faith should replace empirical testing. It just means, that we as scientists, should acknowledge the weaknesses in scientific method and work on correcting them. It means that we as scientists should be open to criticism and skepticism and we should work on strengthening our method.

So for now, I guess, the middle ground is where I am.

I see that science does not have all the answers, not now and maybe will never have.... but it is our best bet to get as close to truth as we possibly can. It is a method that aims to arrive at universal truths through empirical observation and rational thought. It is a method that has flaws but is definitely superior to reliance on pure speculation, faith and beliefs.

I guess, more than science, we should champion for a scientific temper, where people are open to alternative opinions, theories and paradigm shifts.... because thats what ultimately propels science forward.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Surprise...

It was a lazy morning,
that had me yawning...
I was on a bus ride from home,
that had me sitting like a lost gnome.

And then there was a harmless conversation,
that led to the inception of a plan beyond my wildest imagination.
It was a great conspiracy,
And so I found a partner to work with great secrecy.

The plan was made,
and the plot was laid...
Off we went on our tiny escapade,
from the everyday mundane, to form the surprise action brigade...

With a lot of excitement, and plans galore,
Off we went on the streets of Bangalore.
Armed with balloons and streamers,
we were two dreamers.
On the list, were also tiaras and wands,
To take two pretty angels to faraway fairy lands.
Next on the list was a chocolate cake,
which we couldn't wait to partake.

And then, at the appointed hour,
phone calls were made to the gang of four.
Lo and behold, there was a pop to surprise,
This was a party in disguise.

There was laughter and smiles with truck loads of fun...
All under the afternoon sun.
Candles were blown and cakes were cut,
It was a fabulous way to get out of the rut.

And then there followed a wild road chase
Through the city, we had a clock to race.
We landed in time, all jubilant and resplendent,
It was after all a dinner with a Rogue elephant...

It was night to remember,
with memories to cherish forever..
beautiful moments captured,
that left us all enraptured....

Oh what a day it was... :)



PS - It was a wonderful day. A day good enough to compel me into undergoing some public humiliation like this with such juvenile attempts at rhyming words... :-)

A memory trace and a bloodline...

She sat there in front of me, frail and tired after a day of ceaseless travel through a city that is bursting at its seams. She has traveled from the north to the south, and across, all over this city. She came back home, saw me and her face burst out into a gentle smile that did not disappear for a very long time.... A smile that came despite the weariness...

She was my surrogate grandmother.
I haven't seen my paternal grandmother since she died early - early enough, that she did get to see her eldest son (my dad) growing up from the young lad that he was then. This was my grandmother's sister. We've met them all through our travels in the summer vacations during school days... but these were all fleeting meetings which did not do much to leave a strong neural imprint in my mind.

But then this was a different meeting. I met them after sooo long and I felt their hand rise up to bless, and it was beautiful.... It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to have their hand on my head !! As she beamed on seeing me, I knew that some bonds just cannot be broken despite distances.

The ties of the bloodline are strong. They leave their seed and no matter how ill cared it may be, it grows into a tree. It has a resilience which is mind-numbing. There is a love which comes because of that knowledge of shared lineage.

It was a beautiful moment. A moment that made me want my grandparents to be there!
A moment that made all inconvenience disappear for me and for her.

She was hard on hearing as age was fast catching up with her, but her eyes were still burning bright. She still spoke nineteen to a dozen trying to convince me to not sleep on the floor and offering to sleep on the couch instead. She tried her best to convince me about getting married. She had ceaseless questions.

She was my surrogate grandmother.

She made me miss my grandmother. I missed having one to tell me stories, to narrate anecdotes, to play with me and to sleep on. To oil my hair and to cook all the wonderful things that grandmothers do...

I am not sure how it will be having a grandmother around full time (with the incessant marriage advice and the correcting) but i sure know that, for that one day, I wanted one too. She made me want to leave my head under her palm and to not let go. Frail, though she was, I felt protected by her. It was amazing and it is nothing but the wondrous ways of nature.

I sit her typing these words hours after they happened only to try and freeze the essence of that meeting into words, so that years from now, I can still pull on that same string and retrieve the same memory trace, not like a pensieve but hopefully not too far from it too.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Disconnect...

In a world that is fast shrinking, people are becoming farther and farther away. It is a conundrum that I fail to understand.

The World has become one in more ways than one. The diversity in culture, language, attires, festivals, food, music and literature is all coming to an end. We are building uniformity in every sense. Uniformity in abilities, in culture, in knowledge, in thought processes, in social structures, in amenities, in income groups and in living conditions. Happenings across the world are at our finger tips with the advent of technology. These are developments with their own brighter and darker sides... each one too complex to delineate from the others.

But despite so much connectivity and homogeneity, each man is an island today connected to the others through nothing but the World wide web. He is a rootless being as he is capable of going to any part of the world and feeling at home. Or perhaps, he never finds his true home! His life is nomadic, adrift with the tides of time and development.

He spends his days hooked onto the internet and his gadgetry updating his status and whereabouts ever so often... People like me end up writing about their thoughts and ideas on a public platform than just talking... :-)

This is something I fail to grasp. Despite the increasing connectivity on the internet, there is a sense of growing disconnect between people.

People are happy chatting over the internet and the phone than in person. It seems easy to laze around watching TV than to go for a social activity. Social gatherings have become a thing to endure than really a celebration that they once were. People are unable to sit with company without fidgeting with their PDA to update their status message or their blog. Be it a simple dinner, a pleasant sight or a wedding, we waste no time in sharing it with others. There is a need to connect with people but there is also a fear to really connect.

And what happens is that eventually, we end up connecting anonymously over the World Wide Web.

Why ?

Why are we letting this happen ? Why are our social structures disintegrating ? Is it the rapid pace of development which is pulling apart people and generations faster than they can come together. Why is there this constant need to stay in touch but still a little aloof, a little away ? Is our fear over powering our social nature ? What are we trying to achieve this way ?

Beats me...


Monday, November 8, 2010

The un-shed tears...

A sorrow melts into a tear drop and flows out of the heart into the universe...
But what happens to those unsaid sorrows and the un-shed tears ?

Do they well up inside to finally flood through your defenses ?
Or Do they percolate through our being to soak up our joys too ?

Do they just disappear with out a trace like a dew drop in morning sun ? Or
Do they fester inside like the pus in a boil ?

Do they drown your joys like the little paper boat sailing in the first rains ? Or
Do they just keep your withered heart tender and moist against the sun burning down on it ?

Do they flood through your being and ravage it like a savage beast ? Or
Do they quietly and silently seep within you to never resurface again ?

Are they strong like the waves of the ocean to leave you adrift ?
Or are they like the ripples on the pond that gently sway your way ?

Are they like the waters of the pond that are rustled by the slightest winds ?
Or do they stay frozen in the core of your being untouched and unaffected by all ?

Do they sweep you off your feet like an angry tornado ? Or
Do they leave you stagnant like a muddly puddle ?

Do they flow in your system like the slow poison that kills you over the years ?
Or do they, burst forth and spew out like an angry volcano ?

What happens to those un-shed tears ?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Thank you... :-)

Some one once said that all great things come in small packages. I knew it was true but I truly understood the saying over the last week as I found these tiny bundles of happiness and thoughts, left at my doorstep by a friend...

Tiny notes, post-its, tiny but thoughtful gifts, messages... they brightened up my day no matter what had happened before... !!! They were notes which told me someone cared... and that someone knew me for what I am...

This is a feeble attempt to express gratitude to the friends who've made my world a better place... who've been with me through thick and thin and who've made me believe in myself... Who've taught me to see the brighter side of things even when there is hardly any and who've made things better by just being there... :-)

Thank you by Dido...

"My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad,
it's not so bad and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last
and I'm soaking through and through
Then you hand me a towel
and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down,
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life "

From the lasts to the firsts.....

It is a time for change and I see it knocking on my door.
As I pack one life into boxes to be stowed away, I pack another future into boxes to be carried with me.

Books, clothes, papers, cards, pictures.... each has a story associated with it.
A story that was a part of my life.
A story that led to another and finally brought me to where I am.
Stories of people, of ideas, of tales, of questions, of answers, of dreams and of conversations....
Stories of friends and strangers, of laughter and pain, of excitement and of despair, of the smiles and the tears... they all made me who i am.
They brought me to this day.

Stories... that I cherish but I am worried that I will forget, in the daily grind of the future. Stories that I want to hold onto for the rest of my life. People and memories, that I want to hold onto for the rest of my life.

As I pass through these days, I try and cram these moments of everyday mundane into my mind because i know not if and when things will be like this again....

I prepare for the future as I run through the days.
Everything feels like the last - the last meal with friends and family, the last Diwali, the last Puja, the last visit to the markets with a camera, the last home cooked meal, the last walk on campus... there is a sense of end associated with every good thing that even happy moments end with a tinge of sorrow... Every tick on the checklist only brings me closer to a future that takes me away from a past I cherish.

People say the future holds great promise and that I will meet more friends and that things will fall in place...

Maybe I will. But they don't realize that somethings cant be replaced. That somethings are an integral part of you and that when taken away, they leave you incomplete.

Maybe I will fill this emptiness eventually... maybe some parts will grow back...

But, one thing is for sure that the last five years of my life have redefined me and have helped me discover myself. And in these five years, I have become a part of somethings bigger than me and a lot of things have become a part of me...

And as I walk away from a past, I take these parts as the building blocks of a new future.

And very soon perhaps, the lasts will be replaced by the firsts... and perhaps, I will find my joys there too...

Expressions....

This is an era of expression. People are encouraged to express everything they feel no matter how transient or how permanent the thought or emotion maybe...

I however find myself a bit lost in this world simply because I am not a believer in words and words alone. To me actions always speak louder than words and so it is difficult to elicit words out of me... People keep telling me the value of expression ever so often. The constant refrain of friends is that I don't express myself enough... and that all the many things I think or feel are often lost in the unsaid.

I have come to accept the charge without protest simply because no matter how hard i try, I am not able to fit all my feelings and thoughts satisfactorily into words... actions always seem to do the job better. Some people learn to understand that actions speak louder than words and get used to the wordlessness from me, but some forever fail to grasp me or my mind...

People say, how hard can it be to say - "I care" or "I love you" or "I am sorry" and I feel like telling, that it is very hard... !!! It is easier to just implement what you feel... to do something for the special few, to let them peer into your mind and be privy to your thoughts and emotions, to let them see the real you with all your weaknesses and to be able to do anything for them, to listen to them because they are the most important people and to not hurt them.

How do words convey all this better ?

To a lot of people, words are just a means of communication. They are evanescent carriers of thought.

But, I am scared of the power of words. In relationships, our emotions are wrapped around our words and they have the power to mould our lives... Their power must be used with great care... and with this power comes great fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of saying too much, too soon or too little, too late... fear of not saying the right words or of saying the right words at the wrong time, fear of saying things which you do not mean... these fears thus paralyze me and I choose the easier, wordless way.

I'd much rather be around and DO the right things than just say the right things... but this is very difficult for most to accept.

And as I type these words, I understand the need for words... We all like to be told that we are liked, loved and cared for. Even though it is implicit in some actions, we'd much rather be told the obvious than be left with the fear that we are guessing wrong. Such wordless understanding only results from complete confidence in the relationship and a deep understanding, both of which do not come easy.

But today, as i write these words, I hope to say to the people that I care about, that I really do care for them. And also that my wordlessness is a part of me that I aspire for in every relationship. It suggests complete acceptance and implicit understanding. It places faith in relationships more than in words.

However, on this platform... I have taken my first baby steps at expression. I try to shed my fears and inhibitions to embrace words and I have made my first attempts at leaving my mind open to scrutiny. It still doesn't open my mind for the world to see, but, those who matter, manage to view the world inside through the tiny cracks that exist...

And as I choose my words here, I hope to make a beginning...

A beginning to be able to use words more often to say to the people I care about that "I really do care"....

And If I have stayed quiet and never said this before, its not because I don't care but simply because I find words insufficient at times.


Footloose... :-)

Traveling is something I have always fancied. It is a long standing dream of mine to travel the world. So when someone once asked my why I love traveling, the question sounded strange in a very big way. It was something I had so wanted for so long that I never questioned why I wanted it... ;)

Strange as it may sound, this question really made me ponder and every time i read a travelogue or wanted to visit a place, I tried questioning myself. At the end of nearly a month, I realized that every time I read about a place or a person, I wanted to see that place or person with my own eyes. I wanted to watch the world that groomed him and the world that he shaped. I was never happy with these second hand accounts of people and their places, of the food they had and of the experiences they had. The vignettes of the world only whetted my appetite for travel more than ever.

I never wanted to accept it when someone said that Venice is beautiful with its inland waterways that connect the city like the roads that do here. I wanted to experience the magic, the history and the romance of that city before I decide whether or not to like it.

I realized that i will never be happy with people and their experiences. I want to travel by the Gondolas, see the Venetians going about their business, traveling on boats. I want to experience the local history and the local cuisine. I want to live first hand everything that I have read and heard about this charming city.

I want to see and feel the pulse of the town which in someways is a depiction of man's victory over nature, of mankind's strength and intellect and perhaps mankind's eventual downfall (Venice is a rapidly sinking city and the recent green house effect is only hastening its demise).

Imagine a group of fleeing citizens deciding to build a new city on water to defend themselves and their property. Imagine them becoming a huge enterprising society of traders as they built a whole new city in the marshes by making wooden stilts all the way through. That is amazing ingenuity! Who at that time would have predicted that a group of people, escaping the raiders would end up becoming one of the richest states, supplying luxury goods to the whole of Europe and leaving their mark on world history for decades to come !! That is Venice, which is today called the romantic capital of the world. With its modest beginnings, Venice reached its peaks of glory and then succumbed to the vicissitudes of pleasure as it became the pleasure capital of the world and then disappeared of the world stage. Today it stands as a popular tourist destination due to its inland water ways... but people rarely find out about the beginnings of this city and its growth.

But this is the history that fascinates me.
The progress of a city from its birth on water through nothing but human skill and labor to its becoming the pleasure capital of the world and ultimately its slipping into oblivion (I mean Venice is not really a hot tourist destination... its popular but this popularity is nothing compared to its life in the last century!) .

I want to travel the world but not just to experience the Eiffel tower at night or the Swiss Alps in snow, but to live the world and to become one with the world. I want to travel through the streets of Morocco, through the ruins of Machu Pichchu and Mohenjodaro, through the wilderness of african grasslands to the present day bustling cities of New York and Manhattan. I want to see the world and the people that make it, in light of their past and their history.

I want to see the mountains and the hills, the seas and the oceans, the deserts and the oases, the grasslands and the forests... I want to make them all a part of me and I want to become a part of them.

Now, this question only left me wondering about how someone cannot want to see the world and know about all its peoples and cultures... But, i know people are different and this is just one of the many differences that can possibly be...

I guess, I am a traveler who revels in the learning and whose passion for photography only adds to the wanderlust. I guess, I am a little footloose in wanting to explore the world but it at least gives me a whole lot to look forward to. It gives me a dream and It makes the means worth the end... :-)


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

From the bench to the bedside...

I have spent a significant part of my doctoral work on the role and effects of a protein on the development and progression of a form of brain cancer called as "Gliomas". All this work of course was carried out in a premier research institute in India. Now, the work, since it involves a human disease, requires the involvement of patient samples, patient follow ups, tissue material, surgical intervention and a standardized treatment protocol. Unlike the west where medical research is carried out as part of a hospital and MD/PhDs constitute a large chunk of the researchers; In India the situation is quite different. Research in India is carried out with a complete disconnect from the medical community. Researchers and doctors have completely different training profiles and work platforms and there is minimal interaction between the two.

In this blog, I am trying to give a broad overview of this field and the work involved in it from the perspectives of all concerned. The intention of course is to highlight the fact that there is huge disconnect between the three groups of people involved in finding the cure to any disease - the researchers, the patients and the clinicians (I haven't yet involved the industry and the drug developers but they are a vital component of an translational research that needs to be taken from the bench to the bedside (as it is popularly stated!).

Now gliomas, as the name suggests are tumors of glial origin. The human brain is made up of billions and billions of neurons but these neurons cannot function and exist on their own. So the head on top that we all should be using (but are not always) is actually made up of billions of and billions of neurons and of many of these supporting cells called as astrocytes and glial cells. Now, as with any tumor, gliomas are named so because of their cells of origin - which are the glial cells. They arise because, somewhere deep in your brain, one cell is rebelling against the normal structure and has decided to be selfish and proliferate.

This errant cell, if left unchecked, will soon grow into a huge mass of cells all behaving the same way. A normal cell in the body becomes errant because it has accumulated some mutations - mutations which make some normal cellular proteins to lose their normal function or to alter their roles in the cell. A single cell usually requires multiple mutations before it gains the ability to proliferate uncontrollably - or as the scientists say to become transformed. This errant cells will now begin an epic journey as it divides and divides, ignorant of all other restrictive signals and indications. During these multiple rounds of divisions, more mutations are acquired all through the darwinian principle of evolution. Thus, a cancer cell, which acquires mutations favoring its growth and survival will multiply and give rise to more similar daughter cells. Like the parent cell, these progeny would also acquire the ability to migrate and move in search of better nesting grounds. But, we must not forget that this errant glial cell is actually in the brain and therefore cannot move out (for the novices, the brain, in view of its vitality has a impervious blood brain barrier which prevents the free exchange of materials from the rest of the body to the brain - this is one reason why not all chemicals and drugs will enter the brain). So what does it do ? It spreads its family through the existing brain and we will soon find that a widely infiltrating tumor will spread its way through the normal brain cortex. Soon however this massive proliferation will affect the normal brain and its functions.

The increasing intra-cranial pressure and destruction of the normal cortex ultimately result in multiple symptoms. Patients begin with symptoms like headache, nausea, weakness in extremities, dizziness, seizures, vomiting etc etc. Now we can all understand that all these symptoms can only arise pretty late into disease progression. By this time the brain is actually riddled with bad tissue arising from these errant clones. Patients also tend to ignore these symptoms till they are actually unbearable and things are not easy for a clinician too (I mean how many people immediately go for a doctor and an MRI when they have a headache - they suspect eye trouble, migrane, fatigue, stress etc etc till it becomes unbearable.

A clinician also has a number of possible neurological disorders to rule out before he can actually diagnose a tumor. An MRI needs to be done to detect and confirm the presence of a tumor and we all know that it is not an inexpensive proposition that will be one's first line of inquiry. Thus, by the time a glioma is diagnosed it is fairly advanced. Now once diagnosed, the first step is to remove the tumor mass but by this time large numbers of tumor cells would have actually infiltrated into the normal brain matrix thus making the excision very difficult.

Also making matters more difficult, the brain unlike the other organs of the body is a vital organ where complex functions are performed over very small regions. And we don't know with great clarity what all the functions are and where all they are localized? This is quite unlike other organs like the liver, the colon, the breast or the prostate. where we have more information and functions are redundant. So, now a surgeon is faced with the challenge of causing minimal invasion and removing the maximum tumor tissue possible. However, with great skill and with the aid of modern technology (like MRIs) a surgeon manages to pull out the tumor region from the brain to achieve what is called as a maximal safe resection.

Now this surgery is verified by an MRI (not the cheapest of techniques and noes not have a very good spatial resolution as well) and the solitary wandering cells will escape detection by this technique till they grow back as more vigorous tumors.... The next step after surgical intervention is radiotherapy. In this the patient is subjected to high doses of radiation to eradicate any errant tumor cells left behind. The last possible intervention in treating a glioma involves chemotherapy. This too is a tricky problem because the brain (being the special organ it is) is not freely accessible to all drugs and chemicals. Only a select family of drugs can actually access the brain through the blood-brain barrier - again limiting the treatment options. The current standard of care involves the use of Temozolomide, an alkylating agent (which adds alkyl groups to the DNA thereby damaging the DNA and the cell) as the single most commonly used chemotherapeutic agent for treatment of gliomas.

Now like all the other cancers, this toxic chemical will also cause multiple side effects as it will also affect normal brain tissue and other organs in the body. This is the extension of the agony for the patient and his family. Now depending on the severity of the disease, the time of diagnosis, the extent of infiltration, the effectiveness of the surgery, etc etc the tumor could respond differently to the different treatments in different patients. At this time now a pathologist needs to get a sample of the tumor to grade it such that the patient, his/her family can be informed of a predicted course of the disease to some accuracy. Every tumor is graded into different stages depending on how much the tumor has advanced. In an early tumor, the tumor cells would not have invaded deep into the normal brain and would be easy to resect. Also there will be lesser diversity in the types of tumor cells as they will be closer to the progenitor errant cell. These factors along with others make the low grade tumors easy to treat unlike the higher grade ones.

In gliomas, the tumors have been divided into 4 types according to the severity and the progression of the disease. Grade I and II tumors are the easiest to resect because they are still in the form of a compact mass. The cells in these tumors have still not started spreading and expanding their reach in the brain. Once resected mild chemo/radiotherapy can prevent the tumor from recurrance and patients are known to live for a very long time (atleast 10 years : While in absolute this is not a long time, considering the prognosis of a more malignant glioma this is actually really good). The grade III gliomas are more advanced and they show infiltration into the normal brain cortex which can be seen in an MRI as well. While surgery helps, further radio and chemotherapy only manage to provide a 2-3 year extension to the patient. The grade IV gliomas, on the other hand are the most malignant forms of this cancer. They show massive infiltration into the normal brain, extensive vascularization, nuclear atypia etc etc. Despite the extensive research happening in this field, the present day treatment only provides a median survival of a year to the patients and there are hardly any cases of complete remission. Even for the grade I and II tumors, the patients usually develop grade III or grade IV tumors within the next 5-10 years and succumb to the same fate. The disease thus only has a fatal prognosis and the only difference possible lies in the extent of fatality.

Imagine from the prospect of a family and an individual the kind of uncertainity and trauma that such a diagnosis can unfold. Imagine being told that you need to have a surgery the consequences of which can never be completely ascertained. And after the surgery, your system will be bombarded with toxic chemicals which will have side effects and all this will extend your life by a couple of years at max. The expense incurred is another aspect which takes the therapy beyond the reach of many in our country. To worsen the situation, its your brain which is targeted to all this trauma. The organ which defines you and your existence. Such massive invasion of the privacy of the brain only leaves behind side effects on the mind.... I am writing all this not to discourage people from undergoing a treatment because they should and at least it prolongs their life by a year to a decade. That can be valuable to any individual to organize their life and facilitate their family's existence.

In the present model, once diagnosed by a pathologist, the patient begins a standardized therapeutic regimen under the guidance of a qualified oncologist. His treatment is followed through a routine MRI imaging and the treatment is modulated accordingly. We as researchers access the tissue through the surgeons as part of single consortium. The tissue from the tumor is bisected into two halves and snap frozen. One half is used for the isolation of RNA, protein, DNA etc which enable us as researchers in molecular biology to study the disease. The other half is provided to the pathologist where the tissue is fixed and processed to develop tumor sections which can be used to grade the tumor and study the expression and localization of select proteins. The study begins with large scale profiling of RNA, DNA, proteins and microRNAs whose expression is compared across normal brain samples and the different grades of gliomas. The candidate genes are then studied in cell culture models to identify their functions in tumor development. The study is further extended to animal models of the disease where the role of the gene in the disease is studied and validated. The ultimate aim of us researchers is to try and identify novel methods of diagnosis and prognosis to predict the course of the disease and to identify novel molecular targets for therapy. The development of novel drugs based on these studies would be the ultimate and ideal culmination of an entire such study.

However as researchers, we need to be aware of this personal apsect of every disease all through our studies. For doctors, each individual should be a human being and not a mere case to follow a standardized treatment protocol. His needs, his comfort, his discomfort, his financial situation, family - all these aspects need to be considered as part of the treatment protocol. For researchers such as me, the disease, the patient and the prognosis should mean more than numbers, statistics, jargon and a degree at the end. The need of the hour is to develop treatment protocols and that cannot happen by pure research in a laboratory. What is needed is an inclusive interaction between the patients, the doctors and the research community.

I stress on the inclusion of the researchers because being one myself, I see that we are living a complete disconnect with the patients. For us the patients are cases who have died and whose tissue is what we need to work with. It is a sad spectre but it is true because unless an until there is an emotional connect, we tend to lose perspective in our mad rush for the end. A researcher aims for results, publications, patents, grants and degrees. He is untouched by the miseries that haunt the hospital corridors, the traumas that people have to face. True to human nature, we stay in a state of complete disconnect until forced to face reality by a personal experience.

Such a model also breeds differences between the clinicians and the researchers because both are unaware of each other's skills and both end up presuming their indispensability and supremacy to the task on hand. What is needed is a model like in the United states where research is carried out within or in close connect with the premises of a hospital. This will not only ensure a first hand understanding of the disease and its symptoms to the researchers but it will also ensure a real understanding of the problems plaguing the clinicians. It will also allow easy access to the patient resources to the researchers in addition to providing clinicians with greater access to the developments in the laboratory.


Monday, November 1, 2010

Light that shines...

In my search for the monologue of Roark (the main protagonist in the Fountainhead), I chanced upon this other conversation between Howard Roark (HR) and Gail Wynand (GW) .This is a glimpse of that conversation which these two very different men share on a yatch, under the blue skies, free from the presence of the rest of the world. A world which does not understand them and a world that does not accept them. They have both lived their lives their own ways... one indifferent to the world and one trying to fight the world by gaining more and more power. These two men share these very different approaches to world and the people in it and yet they have a common thread which binds them. Both share a complete disregard for the opinion of the masses and both have lived a life on their own terms. They share an understanding that is deep and all pervasive. There is a bond between the two men from when they meet for the first time. They share camaraderie and respect for each other that defines their friendship. The difference in their ideologies is very visible in the following conversation but there is also a great affection which binds them despite the differences.

Wynand is talking about Selflessness in the absolute sense as preached by Ellsworth Toohey. He is of the opinion that true selflessness does not exist and Roark contradicts him and the conversation that follows is a masterpiece in english writing.

HR: The thing that is destroying the world. The thing you were talking about. Actual selflessness.

GW: The ideal which they say does not exist?

HR: They are wrong. It does exist - though not in a way they imagine. Its what i couldn't understand about people for a long time. They have no self. They live within others. They live second-hand. Look at PK.

I've looked at PK - at what's left of him - and it's helped me to understand. He's paying the price and wondering for what sin and telling himself that he's been too selfish. In what act or thought of his has there ever been a self? What was his aim in life ? Greatness in other people's eyes. Fame, admiration, envy - all that which comes from others. Others dictated his convictions, which he did not hold, but he was satisfied that others believed he held them. Others were his motive power and his prime concern. He didn't want to be great, but to be thought great. He didn't want to build, but to be admired as a builder. He borrowed from others in order to make an impression on others. There's your actual selflessness. It's his ego that he has betrayed and given up. But everybody calls him selfish.

GW: That's pattern most people follow.

HR: Yes! And thats the root of every despicable action? Not selfishness but precisely the absence of a self. Look at them. The man who cheats and lies, but preserves a respectable front. He knows himself to be dishonest, but others think he is honest and he derives his self-respect from that, second-hand. The man who takes credit for the achievement which is not his own. He knows himself to be mediocre, but he's great in the eyes of others. The frustrated wretch who professes love for the inferior and clings to those less endowed, in order to establish his own superiority by comparison. The man whose sole aim to make money.Now, I don't see anything evil in the desire to make money. But money is only a means to some end. It man wants it for a personal purpose - to invest in an industry, to create, to study. to travel, to enjoy luxury, he's completely moral. But the men who place money first go much beyond that. Personal luxury is a limited endeavour. What they want is ostentation: to show, to stun, to entertain, to impress others.. They're second-handers. Look at our so called cultural endeavours. A lecturer who spouts some borrowed rehash of nothing at all that means nothing at all to him - and the people who listen and don' give a damn, but sit there in order to tell their friends that they have attended a lecture by a famous name. All second-handers.

GW: If I were Ellsworth Toohey, I'd say: aren't you making out a case against selfishness? Aren't they all acting on a selfish motive - to be notice, liked and admired.

HR: - by others. At the price of their own self respect. In the realm of greatest importance - the realm of values, of judgement, of spirit, of thought, they place others above self, in the exact manner which altruism demands. A truly selfish man cannot be affected by the approval of others. He doesn't need it.

I think Toohey understands that. Thats what helps him spread his vicious nonsense. Just weakness and cowardice. It's so easy to run to others. It's so hard to stand on one's own accord. You can fake virtue for an audience. You can't fake it in your own eyes. Your ego is the strictest judge. They run from it. They spend their lives running. It's easier to donate a few thousands to charity and to think oneself noble than to base self-respect on personal standards of personal achievement. It's simple to seek substitutes for competence - such as easy substitutes: love, charm, kindness, charity. But there is no substitute for competence.

That, precisely, is the deadlines of second-handers. They have no concern for facts, ideas, work. They are concerned only with people. They dont ask: "Is this true?" They ask:"Is this what others think is true?".

Not to judge, but to repeat. Not to do, but to give the impression of doing. Not creation, but show. Not ability, but friendship. Not merit, but pull. What would happen to the world without those who do, think, work, produce? Those who are the egotists. You don't think through another's brain and you dont' work through another's brain. When you suspend your faculty of independent judgment, you suspend consciousness. To stop consciousness is to suspend life. Second-handers have no sense of reality. Their reality is not within them, but somewhere in that space which divides one human body from another. Not an entity but a relation - anchored to nothing. That's the emptiness i couldn't understand in people. That's what stopped me when i faced a committee. Men without an ego. Opinion without a rational process. Motion without brakes or motor. Power without responsibility. The second-hander acts but the source of his actions are scattered in every other living person. It's everywhere and nowhere and you cat reason with him. He is not open to reason. You cant speak to him - he can't hear. You're tried by an empty bench. A blind mass running amuck, to crush you without sense or purpose.

GW: I think your second-handers understand this, try as they might not to admit it to themselves. Notice how they'll accept anything except a man who stands alone. They recognize him at once. By instinct. There's a special insidious kind of hatred for him. They forgive criminals. They admire dictators. Crime and violence are a tie. They've got to force their miserable little personalities on every single person they meet. The independent man kills them - because they don't exist within him and that's the only form of existence they know. Notice the malignant kind of resentment against any idea that propounds independence. Notice the malice towards an independent man. Look back at your life Howard, and at the people you ve met. They know. They are afraid. You're a reproach.

HR: That's because their sense of dignity always remains in them. They're still human beings. But they've been taught to seek themselves in others. Yet no man can achieve the kind of absolute humility that would need no self esteem in any form. He wouldn't survive. They're still human beings. But they've been taught to seek themselves in others. Yet no man can achieve the kind of absolute humility that would need no self esteem in any form. He wouldn't survive.

They're still human beings. But they've been taught to seek themselves in others. Yet no man can achieve the kind of absolute humility that would need no self esteem in any form. He wouldn't survive. So after centuries of being pounded with the doctrine that altruism is the ultimate ideal, men have accepted it in the only way it could be accepted. By seeking self-esteem through others. By living second-hand. And it has opened the way for every kind of horror. It has become the dreadful form of selfishness which a truly selfish man couldn’t have conceived. And now, to cure a world perishing from selflessness, we’re asked to destroy the self. Listen to what is being preached today. Look at everyone around us. You’ve wondered why they suffer, why they seek happiness and never find it. If any man stopped and asked himself whether he’s ever held a truly personal desire, he’d find the answer. He’d see that all his wishes, his efforts, his dreams, his ambitions are motivated by other men. He’s not really struggling even for material wealth, but for the second-hander’s delusion--prestige. A stamp of approval, not his own. He can find no joy in the struggle and no joy when he has succeeded. He can’t say about a single thing: ’This is what I wanted because I wanted it, not because it made my neighbors gape at me.’ Then he wonders why he’s unhappy. Every form of happiness is private. Our greatest moments are personal, self-motivated, not to be touched. The things which are sacred or precious to us are the things we withdraw from promiscuous sharing. But now we are taught to throw everything within us into public light and common pawing. To seek joy in meeting halls. We haven’t even got a word for the quality I mean--for the self-sufficiency of man’s spirit. It’s difficult to call it selfishness or egotism, the words have been perverted, they’ve come to mean Peter Keating. Gail, I think the only cardinal evil on earth is that of placing your prime concern within other men. I’ve always demanded a certain quality in the people I liked. I’ve always recognized it at once - and it’s the only quality I respect in men. I chose my friends by that. Now I know what it is. A self-sufficient ego. Nothing else matters."

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This is an ideal to aim for. This is a philosophy to live by but I am perhaps stuck somewhere in between. Stuck in transition. In between these two worlds, where I to care for the opinions of some people even as I try to build my life my way.

And then as Roark says, " I can die for my friends, but I can't live for them."



The true egotist...

The following is an excerpt from "Fountainhead" that I truly cherish. It is something that in essence has stayed with me since the day I read it the first time because I found perfect resonance in it. Some people and their ideas ever so often make me want to revisit the idea and every time I do that I have only found greater and greater acceptance for it. The book fountainhead came to me, out of the blue, through a friend who was reading it nearly 7 years ago. The opening page of the book gripped me to an extent that I just went and bought the book. This was quite special at that time because being a college student I wasn’t loaded with finances but the book's hold was such that the one page I read was enough to hook me on. Since then, it was only a matter of time that I read most of Ayn Rand's works and so far I have not found a more inspiring philosophy in all my readings.


Here is the excerpt which proceeds as a monologue by the main protagonist - Howard Roark, in the novel "Fountainhead" as he is defending himself in the court of law, indicted as he was for the charge of blowing up a major constructional project which was designed by him.

"Thousands of year ago, the first man discovered how to make fire. He was probably burned at the stake he had taught his brothers to light. He was considered an evil doer who had dealt with a demon mankind dreaded. But thereafter men had fire to keep them warm, to cook their food, to light their caves. He had left them a gist they had not conceived and he had lifted darkness off the earth. Centuries later, the first man invented the wheel. He was probably torn on the rack he had taught his brothers to build. He was considered a transgressor who ventured into forbidden territory. But thereafter, men could past an horizon. He had left them a gift they had not conceived and he had opened the roads of the world.


That man, the unsubmissive and the first, stands in the opening chapter of every legend mankind has recorded about its beginning. Prometheus was chained to a rock and torn by vultures - because he had stolen the fire of the gods. Adam was condemned to suffer - because he had eaten the fruit of the tree of knowledge. Whatever the legend, somewhere in the shadows of its memory mankind knew that its glory began with one, and that one paid for his courage.


Throughout the centuries there were man who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision. Their goals differed, but they all had this in common: that the step was first, the road new, the vision unborrowed, and the response they received - hatred. The great creators, the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the inventors - stood alone against the men of their time. Every great new thought was opposed. Every great new invention was denounced. The first motor was considered foolish. The aeroplane was considered impossible, The power loom was considered vicious. Anesthesia was considered sinful. But the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They fought, they suffered and they paid. But they won.


No creator was prompted by a desire to serve his brothers, for his brothers rejected the gift he offered and that gift destroyed the soulful routine of their lives. His truth was his only motive. His own truth and his own work to achieve it in his own way. A symphony, a book, an engine, a philosophy, an aeroplane or a building - that was his goal and his life. Not those who heard, read, operated, believed, flew or inhabited the thing he had created. The creation, not its users. The creation, not the benefits other derived from it. The creation which gave form to his truth. He held his truth above all things and against all men.


His vision, his strength, his courage came from his own spirit. A man's spirit however is his self. That entity which is his consciousness. To think, to feel, to judge, to act are functions of the ego.


The creators were not selfless. It is the whole secret of their power -that it was self - sufficient, self-motivated, self-generated. A first cause, a fount of energy, a life force, a prime mover. The caretor served nothing and no one. He lived for himself.

And only by living for himself was he able to achieve the thing which are the glory of mankind, Such is the nature of achievement....


Man cannot survive except through his mind. He comes on earth unarmed. His brain is his only weapon. Animals obtain food by force. Man had no claws, no fangs, no horns, no great strength of muscle. He must plant his food or hunt it, To plant he needs a process of thought. To hunt, he needs weapons, and to make weapons - a process of thought. From this simplest necessity to the highest religious abstraction, from the wheel to the skyscraper, everything we are and everything we have comes from a single attribute of man - the function of the reasoning mind.


But the mind is an attribute of the individual. There is no such thing as a collective thought. An agreement reached by a group of men is the compromise or an average drawn upon many individual thoughts. It is a secondary consequence. The primary act - the process of reasoning must be performed by each man alone. We can provide a meal to each man but we cannot digest it in a collective stomach. No man can use his lungs to breathe for another man. No man can use his brain to think for another. All the functions of the body and spirit are private. They cannot be shared or transferred.


We inherit the products of the thoughts of other men. We inherit the wheel. We make a cart. The cart becomes an automobile. The automobile becomes an aeroplane. But all through the process, whatever we receive from the others is only the end product of their thinking.


The moving force is the creative faculty which takes this product as material, uses it and originates the next step. This creative faculty cannot be given or received, shared or borrowed. It belongs to single, individual men. That which it creates is the property of the creator. Men learn from one another. But all learning is only the exchange of material. No man can give another the capacity to think. Yet that capacity is our only means of survival.


Nothing is given to man on earth. Everything he needs has to be produced. And here man faces his basic alternative: he can survive in only one of the two ways - by the independent work of his own mind or as a parasite fed by the minds of others. The creator originates. The parasite borrows. The creator faces nature alone. The parasite faces nature through an intermediary.


The creator's concern is the conquest of nature. The parasite's concern is the conquest of men. The creator lives for his work. He needs no other men. His primary goal is within himself. The parasite liuves second-hand. He needs other. Others become his prime motive.


The basic need of the creator is independence. The reasoning mind cannot work under ant form of compulsion. It cannot be curbed, sacrificed or subordinated to any consideration whatsoever. It demands total independence in function and in motive. To a creator, all relations with men are secondary.


The basic need of a second-hander is to secure his ties with men in order to be fed. He places relations first. He declares that man exists in order to serve others. He preaches altruism.


Altruism is the doctrine which demands that man live for others and place others above self.


No man can live for another. He cannot share his spirit just as he cannot share his body. But the second hander has used altruism as a weapon of exploitation and reversed the base of mankind's moral principles. Men have been taught every percept that destroys the creator. Men have been taught dependence as a virtue.


[How and why that came about is something I fail to understand because our need to create is so strong, I find it strange as to how it gets masked. The reason probably lies in the fact that we lack the confidence that comes from a very strong ego and therefore want the approval of other people who are not simply related to us. This is a rational way of living because you want to be loved and accepted for what you are not who you are. This noble intention however becomes a beast in its own as the self is lost and the opinion of others becomes the most important aim in life - What begins then is a vicious cycle where one becomes a slave to the society and loses a sense of self and then begins a downward spiral leading one to a second-handers' life!!


The man who lives for others is a dependant. He is a parasite in motive and makes parasites of those he serves. The relationship produces nothing but mutual corruption. It is impossible in concept. The nearest approach to it in reality - the man who lives to others - is the slave. If physical slavery is repulsive, how much more repulsive is the concept of servility of the spirit? The conquered slave has a vestige of honor. He has the merit of having resisted and of considering his condition evil. But the man who enslaves himself voluntarily in the name of love is the basest of creatures. He degrades the dignity of man and the conception of love. But this is the essence of altruism.


Men have been taught that the highest virtue is not to achieve but to give. Yet one cannot give that which has not been created. Creation comes before distribution - or there will be nothing to distribute. The need of the creator comes before the need of any possible beneficiary. Yet we are taught to admire the second-hander who dispenses gifts he has not produced above the man who made the gifts possible. We praise an act of charity. We shrug at an act of achievement.


Men have been taught that their first concern is to relived the suffering of others. But suffering is a disease. Should one come upon it, one tries to give relief and assistance. To make that the highest virtue is to make suffering the most important part of life. The man must wish to see others suffer - in order that he may be virtuous. Such is the nature of altruism. The creator is not concerned with disease, but with life, Yet the work of the creator has eliminated one form of disease after another, in man's body and spirit, and brought more relief from suffering than any altruist could ever conceive.


Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others. But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator is the man who goes against the current. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to stand together. But the creator is the man who stands alone.


Men have been taught that the ego is the synonym of evil, and selflessness is the ideal if virtue. But the creator is the egotist in the absolute sense, and the selfless man is one who does not think, feel, judge, or act. These are functions of the self.


Here the basic reversal is the most deadly. The issue has been perverted and man has been left no alternative - and no freedom. As poles of good and evil- he was offered two conceptions: egotism and altruism. Egotism was held to mean the sacrifices of others to self. Altruism - the sacrifice of self to others. This tied man irrevocably to other man and left him nothing but the choice of pain: his own pain borne for the sake of others or pain inflicted upon others for the sake of self. When it was added that man must find joy in self-immolation the trap was closed. Man was forced to accept masochism as his ideal - under the threat that sadism was his only alternative. This was the greatest fraud perpetrated on mankind.


This was the device by which dependence and suffering were perpetuated as fundamentals of life. The choice is not self sacrifice or domination. The choice is independence or dependence. The code of the creator or the code of the second-hander. This is the basic issue. It rests upon the alternative of life or death. The code of the creator is built on the needs of the reasoning mind which allows man to survive. The code of the second-hander is built on the needs of a mind incapable of survival. All that which proceeds from man's dependence upon man is evil.


The egotist in the absolute sense of the word is not the man who sacrifices others. He is the man who stands above the need of using others in any manner. He does not function through them. He is not concerned with them in any primary manner. Not in his aim, not in his motive, mot in his thinking, not in his desires, not in the source of his energy. He does not exist for any other man - and he asks no other man to exist for him. This is the only form of brotherhood and mutual respect possible between men.


Degrees of ability vary, but the basic principle remains the same: the degree of a man's independence, initiative, and persona love for his work determines his talent as a worker and his worth as a man. Independence is the only gauge of human virtue and value. What a man is and makes of himself; not what he has or hasn’t done for others. There is no substitute for personal dignity. There is no standard for personal dignity except independence.


In all proper relationships there is no sacrifice of anyone to anyone. An architect needs clients, but he does not subordinate his work to their wishes. They need him, but they do not order a house just to give him commission. Men exchange their work by free, mutual consent to mutual advantage when their personal interests agree and they both desire the exchange. If they do not desire it, they are not forced to deal with each other. They seek further. This is the only possible form of relationship between equals. Anything else is a relation of slave to master, or victim to executioner.


No work is ever done collectively, by a majority decision. Every creative job is achieved under the guidance of a single individual thought. An architect requires a great many men ti erect his building. But he does not ask them to vote on his design. They work together by free agreement and each is free in his proper function. An architect uses steel, glass, concrete, produced by others. But the materials remain just so much steel, glass and concrete until he touches them. What he does with them is his individual property and his individual product. This is the only pattern for proper cooperation among men.



The first right on earth is the right of the ego. Man's first duty is to himself. His moral law is never to place his prime goal within the persons of others. His moral obligation is to do what he wishes provided his wish does not depend primarily on other men. This includes the whole sphere of his creative faculty, his thinking, his work. But it does not include the sphere of the gangster, the altruist and the dictator.


A man thinks and works alone. A man cannot rob, exploit or rule - alone. Robbery, exploitation and ruling presuppose victims. They imply dependence. They are the province of the second-hander.


Rulers of men are not egotists. They create nothing. They exist entirely through the persons of others. Their goal is in their subjects in the activity of enslaving. They are as dependent as the beggar, the social worker and the bandit. The form of dependence does not matter.


But men were taught to regard second-handers - tyrants, emperors, dictators as exponents of egotism. By this fraud they were made to destroy the ego, themselves and others. The purpose of the fraud was to destroy the creators. Or to harness them, Which is a synonym.


From the beginning of history, the two antagonists have stood face to face: the creator and the second-hander. When the first creator invented the wheel, the first second-hander responded. He invented altruism.


The creator - denied, opposed, persecuted, exploited - went on, moved forward and carried all humanity along on his energy. The second-hander contributed nothing to the process except the impediments. Te contest has another name -the individual against the collective.


The 'common good' of a collective - a race, a class, a state - was the claim and justification of every tyranny every established over men. Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive. Has any act of selfishness ever equaled the carnage perpetrated by disciples of altruism? Does the fault lie in men's hypocrisy or in the nature of the principle?


The only good me can do to one another and the only statement of their proper relationship is - Hands off!"


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This is a philosophy that is different to understand and appreciate and even more difficult to follow.


But, as I see it, a true egoist is someone whose sense of self is so high that he doesn't care for what the world thinks. He works of his own merit and creates what he wants for the sheer joy of it, not with an eye on what rewards or what awards he will get because of them. Public appreciation does not matter because his sense of self is above that and independent of the world. He does not dwell in the words, minds and hearts of others. He is his own person. Radical, Yes! Difficult to understand, Yes! Difficult to comprehend, Yes ! But it sure will be amazing to be able to live like that...