From the lasts to the firsts.....

It is a time for change and I see it knocking on my door.
As I pack one life into boxes to be stowed away, I pack another future into boxes to be carried with me.

Books, clothes, papers, cards, pictures.... each has a story associated with it.
A story that was a part of my life.
A story that led to another and finally brought me to where I am.
Stories of people, of ideas, of tales, of questions, of answers, of dreams and of conversations....
Stories of friends and strangers, of laughter and pain, of excitement and of despair, of the smiles and the tears... they all made me who i am.
They brought me to this day.

Stories... that I cherish but I am worried that I will forget, in the daily grind of the future. Stories that I want to hold onto for the rest of my life. People and memories, that I want to hold onto for the rest of my life.

As I pass through these days, I try and cram these moments of everyday mundane into my mind because i know not if and when things will be like this again....

I prepare for the future as I run through the days.
Everything feels like the last - the last meal with friends and family, the last Diwali, the last Puja, the last visit to the markets with a camera, the last home cooked meal, the last walk on campus... there is a sense of end associated with every good thing that even happy moments end with a tinge of sorrow... Every tick on the checklist only brings me closer to a future that takes me away from a past I cherish.

People say the future holds great promise and that I will meet more friends and that things will fall in place...

Maybe I will. But they don't realize that somethings cant be replaced. That somethings are an integral part of you and that when taken away, they leave you incomplete.

Maybe I will fill this emptiness eventually... maybe some parts will grow back...

But, one thing is for sure that the last five years of my life have redefined me and have helped me discover myself. And in these five years, I have become a part of somethings bigger than me and a lot of things have become a part of me...

And as I walk away from a past, I take these parts as the building blocks of a new future.

And very soon perhaps, the lasts will be replaced by the firsts... and perhaps, I will find my joys there too...