In our lives, some times are more defining and more influential than the others. They change the course of our lives, the fabric of our being.
The last couple of months have been one such period for me.
They have just breezed past me and i was so busy that I could barely sit down and look at them. It felt like a giant roller-coster ride that has left me screaming my insides out due to fear, excitement, exhilaration and sadness.
They were filled with frantic activity that left behind frayed nerves. There was too much to be done and to be taken care of... so much so, that i didn't grant myself the time to just sit down and think, to assimilate, to register, to enjoy and to grieve. The days flew past in a haze and they left me wanting. Wanting for some quiet, some peace and some space.
I loved the rush and the excitement but I also missed the bigger picture. I missed being able to move one step at a time. To be able to grieve when the heart wanted to. To be able to rejoice when there was reason to. I missed not having opened my heart to have let those emotions out, simply because there was too much to do. I now wish to have been able to pause the roller coaster in motion just to get a snapshot in time for every moment in the past two months.
I've missed myself for so many days. The little girl in me who used to love staring at the stars had not gazed at the night sky for nearly two months because she was always too tired to keep her eyes open. The footloose nomad in me had not wandered off in a while because there were too many places to be at. The thinker in me had not thought for a while simply because there was too much to do.
The last few days have been filled with so many of these unfelt feelings, unshed tears, unspoken words and unspoken fears. The flurry of everyday activity had actually numbed my mind into unquestioning acceptance. And now when I sit down to think, the pain is too much to bear. The tears are too many to control and the words are too many to say.
The last few days have indeed gone with the wind as they brought me closer to Scarlett O Hara when she said - "Oh, I can't think about this now! I'll go crazy if I do! I'll think about it tomorrow."
But then now i also know that sometimes the pain doesn't diminish with time. All you manage to do is to push it under the rug till it resurfaces every now and then.
Some emotions are best dealt without procrastination.
The last couple of months have been one such period for me.
They have just breezed past me and i was so busy that I could barely sit down and look at them. It felt like a giant roller-coster ride that has left me screaming my insides out due to fear, excitement, exhilaration and sadness.
They were filled with frantic activity that left behind frayed nerves. There was too much to be done and to be taken care of... so much so, that i didn't grant myself the time to just sit down and think, to assimilate, to register, to enjoy and to grieve. The days flew past in a haze and they left me wanting. Wanting for some quiet, some peace and some space.
I loved the rush and the excitement but I also missed the bigger picture. I missed being able to move one step at a time. To be able to grieve when the heart wanted to. To be able to rejoice when there was reason to. I missed not having opened my heart to have let those emotions out, simply because there was too much to do. I now wish to have been able to pause the roller coaster in motion just to get a snapshot in time for every moment in the past two months.
I've missed myself for so many days. The little girl in me who used to love staring at the stars had not gazed at the night sky for nearly two months because she was always too tired to keep her eyes open. The footloose nomad in me had not wandered off in a while because there were too many places to be at. The thinker in me had not thought for a while simply because there was too much to do.
The last few days have been filled with so many of these unfelt feelings, unshed tears, unspoken words and unspoken fears. The flurry of everyday activity had actually numbed my mind into unquestioning acceptance. And now when I sit down to think, the pain is too much to bear. The tears are too many to control and the words are too many to say.
The last few days have indeed gone with the wind as they brought me closer to Scarlett O Hara when she said - "Oh, I can't think about this now! I'll go crazy if I do! I'll think about it tomorrow."
But then now i also know that sometimes the pain doesn't diminish with time. All you manage to do is to push it under the rug till it resurfaces every now and then.
Some emotions are best dealt without procrastination.
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